In my life I have never been someone that can just eat anything and everything and not suffer the consequences. Even when I was dancing in high school five or more hours a day five days a week I was still not "naturally" skinny. That being said I think it's safe to say that I have always been cursed with body image issues. I have dealt with my fair share of ups and downs in weight and along with that came issues with food including not eating, eating too much or not keeping food down.
That being said being pregnant is a whole new challenge in body image. I feel very conflicted with my ever changing shape right now. On one hand, I absolutely love my new body. It's a funny thing how sexy you can feel with these added lady bumps, not to mention the thicker, shinier hair, longer, stronger nails and luckily I have had the clearest skin I have ever had in my life. So, for the most part I can embrace my new body, however on the other hand, I do find there are days that I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. My waist has almost completely disappeared, my boobs are too big (cleavage in a hoodie kind of big), my belly gets in the way, I'm starting to gain weight...everywhere. (pregnancy face, arms, thighs, anyone?) I even went to Target last weekend and found the cutest pair of leopard print jeans on sale for $6!! They were two sizes too big for me and I was so sure that two sizes up would be plenty (maybe even a little loose) for my baby bump. Boy, was I wrong. So, so wrong. It was such an eye opening moment for me. I have not just gained a little weight I am touting around a cantaloupe sized human that has shown no mercy for my abs or hips.
The other side of body image that pregnancy has brought on is the fear that I will not return to my former size. My former self. My hips have clearly widened and that has taken six months to happen. What if it takes six months to get them back? What if they never go back? What if the exercise I'm doing now and the breast feeding that all these celebrities swear by does not get me back to my pre-baby body fast enough, if ever? It's a lot of the unknown that I most find myself concerned with.
Luckily I have an amazing husband that constantly compliments me and tells me how beautiful I am pregnant. He tells me almost daily how he thinks I have never looked as healthy and sexy as I do now, carrying his baby. He's too good to me. I also have so many family and friends that tell me that I look great and that is a sure-fire to make any pregnant chick feel good. The bottom line is that it's out of my control. I can only do what's right for myself and my baby. As long and I am keeping us both happy and healthy, in the long run it will all work out the way it's supposed to. A happy healthy baby boy is the most important body that I care about right now.