hey, i know you

Yesterday, Handsome Hank turned one month old.  He must have known it was a big day for him because he only woke up once at 3am to be fed the night before!  Hallelujah!  It feels like time is flying by and yet it also feels like a lifetime ago that I gave birth to him.  In the past month he has changed in so many ways and so have I.

mama has yet to make it to the tanning salon yet though

I was talking to my friend Marianne the other day about how I finally feel like me again.  She is pregnant and is starting to feel the where-is-my-flat-tummy itch and I can honestly say I remember that feeling all too well. (although she is the most gorgeous pregnant woman ever and rivals the likes of pregnant supermodels like Gisele)  Marianne was visiting family in Michigan the week before I had Hank and she knows all too well that I was in a rough spot.  I felt a little lost, like I couldn't find myself anymore.  I was uncomfortable, tired and so ready to have my baby.  It's such an amazing experience to carry a child, but after 40 weeks of major physical and emotional changes, I felt an enormous amount of relief in the moments after Hank was born.

After one month, I am me again, but a better version because now I am a mommy.  I gained 30lbs while pregnant and today I only have 6lbs left to shed.  I can't fit into all my clothes just yet though.  I can tell my hips have not fully returned to their starting positions and I am softer all over in general at this moment.  However, any anxiety I had about getting back to my pre-pregnancy self has long faded away.  I am excited to work out again.  I tried a little bit last week which may have been a little too soon.  I felt like I was going to puke the entire day following because I was so sore.  I loved the work out while I was doing it though.  More than just my body making moves to return to it's original shape I am feeling less emotionally rocky.  I was so crabby during month nine I'm sure I have some apologizing to DJ to do still and right after having Hank I was so weepy and nervous I could hardly get the courage up to get in the shower if DJ wasn't home to be with Hank.  Now, I am not only showered before DJ gets home, but I've done all the house work and started dinner (most of the time).  As DJ says the maid and cook have returned from maternity leave.  Ha!  I  feel like my independence has returned.  This little man makes the schedule, but I can plan my whole day around his feedings depending on when he first wakes up.  I even left Hank with Grandma on Sunday to go watch DJ play hockey.  (baby steps here people)   I am very grateful that he sticks to a relatively regular schedule lately.  He must really love me ;)

So as I look in the mirror one month postpartum I can see that I am back.  Back to a better me.