Forgive and be free
Forget that you have forgiven
and be freer.
This week I am focused on forgiveness. I would like to make an effort to eliminate my sometimes cynical and even judgemental side. I don't want to waste energy on weak & substandard emotions. I sometimes wish I could go back and "meet" certain people with what Buddhists call a "beginners mind", which is the ability to encounter things, people and experiences with a certain innocence or as if for the first time. I have realized that spending any of my precious time on negative emotions is wasteful. I will never get back the moment that I used up getting agitated, angry or annoyed with someone or something that hurt me or my family.
A short while ago, I finally let go of a grudge I held against someone from probably seven or eight years ago. It sounds almost ridiculous to me now as I write about it, but it was something I swore I would never be able to forgive this person for. At that moment in my life it was truly the most heinous thing someone had done to me. I hated this person and even sought revenge, which of course never feels as good as you think it will. However, as the years passed and my life changed in a million ways I kept that luggage of hate. I didn't keep the same boyfriend or the same pair of my "favorite" jeans, but I kept the grudge?? It seems so ridiculous. All of a sudden though, one day I just didn't care. This person reached out in a somewhat minor way (of all places facebook) and instead of my usual reaction of disgust brewing up, I felt somewhat peaceful about the whole thing. I accepted the friend request and let go finally. It was an eye opening experience, albeit minor, but eye opening none-the-less.
I don't have many people that dislike me, so few that I probably couldn't even name more than one or two at best, but I do have a negative experience that I need to let go of still. It is a difficult thing to find reason to forgive someone when you don't know that they deserve it, but the bottom line is that I deserve it for myself, my peace of mind and my zen. Damaged people are those that act out to damage others in hopes that it will make their pain lesser. That is not an excuse for how this person negatively effected my life in the past couple years, but I will no longer engage in feelings of contempt and disgust for this person. My homework this week is to free myself of that burden and only wish positive things for this person. I would compare the difficulty level of this assignment as to homework from 2nd hour Calculus back in my senior year of high school, but it's only Wednesday so I'm sure I'll complete the task and score an A+.
Always be mindful of
the kindness and not the faults